Friday, August 29, 2014

Betrayal

Are you willing to lose everything for someone who doesn't want you? Are you really willing to go back to someone who screamed at you for being around family? I don't think you remember those times he would listen to your calls, tell you to get off the phone, or just hit the end button so whoever was on the other end would know what happened. The person on the other end would wonder if he hit you or if he was trying to kill you for the hundredth time. But you would say anything. You would sit in silence, playing the 'perfect' house wife for him because you wanted someone to hold your hand during a movie or have help around the house. I told you, we ALL told you that if you go down this path again, we won't be here when you're battered and bruised, begging for help once more. I don't want it to be this way, but for you to tell me to my face that he would be with you wherever you go and that you would welcome him back with open arms... You can't even fathom the anger and sadness I felt. So go ahead and choose him once again over us, but this time, you might not come out alive, and you won't come out with a family by your side.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The real you

I miss you. Not this person you are trying to be, the girl you really are. Even if your age has changed your mentality hasn't caught up yet. I miss the little girl who would stick to my hip and try to be like me. I miss the little girl who use to love the color pink and watch Hannah Montana with me. I miss the girl that grew up and stayed true to herself. I miss the girl who looked up to me. This girl, this "teen" you are trying to be, it isn't you. I see right through it. Honey I know you want to be popular. I know middle school is hard. I've been there done that, and yeah I get what you're trying to do. You hide behind the dark hair and make up, you want to go against what your dad says and be with your momma so she lets you run wild. Baby girl, let me tell you something. All that makeup you hide behind, all that talk you spit so much, all those words you use because you think it's cool, all of that isn't going to do a damn thing a few years from now when no ones around to cheer when you graduate. If you push everyone away its not going to make you cool, because one day, those people who think you are cool now will hate you and hurt you later in life. Maybe I wasn't the best example, dying my hair and wearing nothing but black. I know I didn't talk much to you when you needed me. If I could change that I would, because it hurts me to see you going down the same road as I almost did. Maybe in a few years  you'll appreciate these words, but for now, just know I'm here and I'll be a shoulder for you to cry on. R.I.P: the real you.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Princesses that were never saved

The names everyone always remembers are the villains. Evil queens are the deadliest, yet I pity them. They were princesses once, waiting to fall in love, getting hurt again and again until they finally wanted their revenge. The one closest to them, or the one who Wanted to be closest to them was their target, and anyone close to them. What were they suppose to do? Apologize? Grovel? Hope the queen would forgive them? No. They fought. And soon enough, the queen would be defeated. The scared little princess who thought she could be queen retreated to safety. That's all the persona was: a persona. A cover up for a scared little girl who wanted to act unbroken. The princess who was never saved. 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Us

I don't just love you. I need you. I crave you. I am desperate to see you whenever you are gone. Why write this? Why our this somewhere where everyone can see it and say its mushy and going to fail? Because I believe in this thing we've created. This forever kind of thing where we fight for each other every day instead of make the other wonder if we want each other still. I don't need to put this out for everyone to see but I need YOU to see that I'm here forever. Even if I don't write as much as I use to, and even if I don't talk as much as before, I still believe in this thing we've worked for. No matter how hard, or how hurtful, or how doubtful we are sometimes, no matter the battles we face, we WILL last. We will stand when the dust clears, holding our hands and heads high when people try to break us apart. Like Romeo and Juliet (no matter how cliche), like Moka and Tsukune (no matter how dangerous; vampire and human), we are forever. Always and forever. 

Friday, May 30, 2014

Press 'delete'

Writing and writing until your fingers are nothin but bone. Brittle, cracking bone. You read what you've written and shake your head, knowing NO ONE would want to read that. So you try again, and three drafts later you're stuck with an angry blog entry and people on your mind you should've forgotten about a long time ago. But still you work, and you try to make it sound like something decent that someone would want to read. In reality, no one cares what you're wrote but the few people who scan through your blog when they're bored. And maybe there are a few good friends or family member or a significant other that actually cares what you write but will never admit it or comment on it. It's only when you write the dark things that you don't mean but make a good story that people start to worry. You rip your hair out trying to force words that won't come. And that's when you realize, no one cares. That's when you press DELETE. 

Friday, May 16, 2014

Not enough

See these cuts along my arm? I was just trying to make sure I bleed still. Feel the coldness around my heart? I was trying to make that burning fire stop hurting me! Smell the decay along my body? I was only playing with death magic... See the frail, pale body before you? I was just trying to be 'beautiful'! Why can't I be beautiful like everyone else? Can't I be my own type of pretty?! Who says I have to conform to society and the people close to me telling me I'm too fat or I'm too quiet? Fallen Angel take me from this place. Build me a place among the heavens where you and I can stay. Don't let these words from the people I care for reach my ears anymore! Just take me away and love me like you do.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Alice

I'm sick of speaking to you through this computer screen. Who knows, maybe you've forgotten about me. You've got Smith and his girlfriend, who I could care less for. I wanted to go back to friends, those people who trust one another, those people who are there for each other. Guess I was too late to get that friendship back but you know Alice, you were too selfish. Too self involved. You didn't care about me... So why am I still trying to get through to you. You don't remember anything I do, and maybe that's better. Maybe... Maybe I'm just too tired of trying. You are obviously done too. Say the word and I'll give this 'friendship' up for good. Just let me be.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Ain't it fun?


What are you gonna do when the world doesn’t want you anymore hmm? What are you gonna do when the world don't orbit around you? Ain’t it fun, living in this real world? Ain’t it good, being all alone? Now you know how I feel. Ain’t it fun, you can’t count on no one (no not me anymore). Can’t come crying to me, I ain’t your momma. Go cry to your ‘Hero’, Alice, go cry to your ‘King’, Angel of Innocence. I’m not the one you can come to anymore, you just cause stress. I can write what I want, I can say what I please, that’s what makes me kind of human. I don’t mind living in the real world, and I don’t mind letting you all fall into the realization that you are in the real world now. You aren’t in some high school faery tale. Shouldn’t seeing me happy make you want to leave me alone? I hate most of you, and I can handle being in the world around me without a bubble. Oops, sorry Alice, did I have too much fun messing with you? My deepest apologies Angel of Innocence, for wanting to have a little fun with your emotions. Ain’t it fun? We dragged you, Darkfrost, into our world, we dragged everyone into it. Isn’t it fun? Now you’re one of us! Thank you for sticking by me, because I would still be friends with Alice and the Angel of Innocence is it hadn’t been for your enlightenment. Guess I just needed someone to pull me into the real world.
-Sincerely yours, that girl you use to know.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Call Me Your Master

How dare you try to stray from the paths i've created for you! You challenge me, your master, your creator?! Without me you would be nothing, you would HAVE nothing. There would be no green eyed hero for you to hold, there would be no Angel of Innocence for you to hate, there would be no YOU. In fact, while we are on this subject, none of you even thanked me for creating you. I gave you life, i used my greatest ideas on you demons! This is how you repay me?! You leave me alone in a room where you believe i belong, and you act as though i am invisible. I tried to reason with you and make you see what i am going through, but eventually you retreated from my pain. You couldn't believe that i, your master, your GOD could feel such pain, or even strong emotion. But you learned, Dark Princess, that even your god could feel, and feel i did when you created your mask and turned from us. You're alone now, in a dark place filled with ice. Your heart turned you cold as ice, and turned everyone away from you. I don't feel bad about that... I do, on the other hand, feel bad that one of my greatest creations has gone to waste. You see, i could care less that you are alone, because you hurt me as did the rest of the demons i created. I care that my thoughts, my feelings, and my efforts were wasted on such ugly beings. I am your master, and just like Frankenstein's creature eventually died, you too will all die a long time from now, and i will be your last thought.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Where were you

Where were you when I needed you? Where were you when I needed a friend to talk to? Where were you when I cried because of my family problems? Where were you when I needed help? My angel was here, and where were you? We're you with your family, or working, or out with friends?! You both promised to be here and yet, whenever I needed you, you were busy. I was always there for you. I listened, I was at your beck and call, I was the one who had to be strong. Yes, we've all heard that those who are strong need someone to be strong for them too, and I had my angel. You two, my friends, the people I was there for, couldnt spare a moment to listen to me. Is that why you both thought it was ok to turn your backs on me? You will never see my reasoning because you think you were always there. You will always think I did something wrong. Why do you both still try to talk to me? Why do you insist on trying to get me to look at you? I will ignore you like you ignored me. Ignorance is surely bliss, and I feel no shame or guilt in it. So when I'm finally gone and you're in trouble, I hope you realize what I felt. So let me ask you for real this time: "Where were you?". 

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

The old days

They say people change. They say people grow apart and that friends become distant. We all became distant friends and some of us don't talk to each other anymore. I understand if you all don't like each other after everything that's happened but don't you remember the days before we lost ourselves? Do you remember that first year? The year we all became friends. The year I learned things are much different in the real world, but everything's not always bad. Lets do it again, lets go out and be crazy. Lets wish on stars and watch movies and just be ourselves again. I'm up for it Alice and Angel of innocence. What about you? 

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Alone

You're not one of them. You're different. You're not included and you never will be. An outcast as ignored as a demon. You're suppose to be there, you're not suppose to be anywhere near them. Because you're a demon. You are a demon created by a monster, but still hold the form of a human. You could destroy everyone and yet you won't, because your human conscience is still intact. You wouldn't kill them even if you hold the highest power of dark lightening. It sparks from your fingers when you hear those who are suppose to be there for you speak. You hear them singing or speaking and know that no matter what you won't fit in. You don't have a place. You're alone. You can't change.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Mask

A mask. Something that can be a work of art or a mistake. Your mask was painted, but it was stitched up pieces of flesh you had stolen from your lovers hearts. Under that mask was a rotting exterior of worms. 
Let me rephrase this in a more appropriate manner. You're a coward, a pathetic lowlife child who cannot fathom how to function in society. Love is not something you know how to feel. You're emotionless and when I met you I should have turned my back and ran the other way.
I became entangled in this world of demons, but I quickly learned the game you played. Instead of being the scared child, I played it and learned that playing with a gun means you will eventually be shot in the head. You didn't send someone to shoot me, you did it yourself.
Even when I cried for you to stop, you watched me cry and laughed.
When my angel lifted me from earth, I learned love. I came back to find answers but you had none. I was a mistake of your judgment. I should've expected it but I couldn't believe that you were that cruel. 
One day dark princess, I will watch you squirm the way I did that first year you knew me. I will break you and laugh because you deserve to feel the things I did. My angel and I will escape and you will become a worthless, mindless demon. The day you want me to care is the day I will be gone forever. Don't come crawling back because I won't be there.